how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
