I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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