i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
