just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
