I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
