You're so nebulous sometimes
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We are two peas in an std pod
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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