You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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