That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
