Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
