i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Quick, to the slutcave!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
