last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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