And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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