we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
