Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
