if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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