Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
