If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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