i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
