All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
