I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
