Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
