So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize