you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
