apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
