I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
