Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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