I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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