1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
