I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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