I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
