walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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