i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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