This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
