he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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