So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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