after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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