laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
