I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize