I must be too annoying 4 u.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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