Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
