peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
