i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
