I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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