I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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