don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this will be a night to untag.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
