hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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