It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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