Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
