i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
