One girl and one boy is just not enough.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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