I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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