final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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