I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
