11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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