Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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