got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
