update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
