She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize