Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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