history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
