Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
