dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
