What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
