shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
