My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
