Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
