I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
