question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
