I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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