If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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