i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drunk is not a location!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
