rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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