I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
