I just saw a hot homeless man
North Korea, Best Korea!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
