Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
