I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
